Here’s a modest proposal.

The commissioners have approved a killer jet to be mounted in concrete (will it be aimed at the sky or at the new Wal-Mart?) to be placed at the entrance to our town. A killer jet would be a vivid, unmistakable   testament to our city’s military history, and especially our close connection with killer jets.  (“Killer” being used here, of course, in the contemporary sense of, “hey dude, that’s a killer new cell phone.”)

A killer jet on the front lawn would symbolize a community’s history and cultural bias. So what are we doing? Colorado Springs is where they should put such a killer jet, if they really think it’s necessary.  Or maybe Cheyenne. But here?

Let’s remember, Colonel Collins, the basically undistinguished Fort Laramie soldier after whom the little fort on the river was named, was here for only a day and a half.  “Nice place you have here,” he said. “Now let’s go home.”

And in regards to the fort itself, when kids come to school at CSU and leave four years later, they’ve all been here longer, and probably had more influence, than the few soldiers and the tiny fort. Our real history is that of a peaceable, family farming and land-grant educational community, with a growing mix of computer technology and recreational ventures. Granted, in recent years military folks have found this a great place to retire, rather than, say, Killeen, Texas or Fort Dix, New Jersey.  Can’t blame retirees for coming here. But the attraction of our community is not, contrary to the county commissioner’s silly assertion, due to our long military history. 

Back to Colorado Springs: that might be a fitting place to erect a killer jet. They probably already have a few.  A killer jet mounted in concrete along I-25 into Colorado Springs would make perfect sense. Fort Carson and the Air Academy have long given C. Springs a certain ambience….

Speaking of ambience, the road into Cheyenne might likewise be a great place—or at least a more reasonable place-- for a killer jet to welcome visitors. They need something up there. And for decades Warren Air Force Base and Cheyenne have had a great relationship—well, a fairly good relationship, a workable relationship, not counting the occasional deranged airman. A killer jet lodged in concrete on the main thoroughfare into town might make sense for Cheyenne or C. Springs. But to erect a killer jet on East Mulberry, just a mile or two from the site of the old Sinnard Beet dump?

And thus my modest proposal: Rather than erect a killer jet on the site, let’s paint up an old de-commissioned Ford or GMC beet truck and heft that baby up. That’s more us. We’ve planted and hoed and topped and hauled tons and tons of beets. Thank God for beet trucks.  Much more so than a government contracted cost-over-run killer jet. We need a beet truck up there.

I suspect that when the commissioner, (a retiree from the army, or air force, navy or marines—they all start to blend), said yes to the concrete killer jet on our front lawn, he was unconsciously doing a dumb bureaucratic favor for some of his crazy old army (air force, navy) buddies. But the jet idea is ridiculous.

Enough’s enough.  To say no to the killer jet ornament is a step of resistance to the further militarization of our community. We’ve started a group: Project No-Jet (Box 1555, Collins, CO. 80522) Interested folks are welcome to join. We want the beet truck, or nothing at all!